What Really Causes Burnout?
A lack of experiencing grief was behind mine.
Working too much grinds us down. But not growing is what keeps us from responding skillfully to overwork. Feeling fulfilled, and satisfied with our work requires personal development.
Research shows that the single biggest cause of work burnout is not work overload, but working too long without experiencing your own personal development.
- An Everyone Culture: Becoming a Deliberately Developmental Organization
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When I was 32 I hit that place. I was working with midwives in Afghanistan. My mission didn’t just feel urgent and important, it was. Women and babies were dying for preventable reasons. Midwives needed resources, support, and training.
You can’t do you best work, or live you best life when you are running from, pushing down and avoiding your truth.
All I knew how to do, was try harder. In response to stories of a baby dying on a marble floor while a distracted, overwhelmed, and barely graduated midwife practices her skills for the third stage of labor — I worked harder. In response to donor confusion — I worked harder. In response to an opportunity for increased funding — I worked harder. If the wind blew, or the sun came up on another day — I worked harder. And the only destination on that road is burnout.
When I finally broke, I discovered integral coaching and learned how to experience my grief. I started to confront what I could and could not control. As the mullah and the roosters took turns announcing the dawn of another day, I snuggled safely in my warm bed and cried. I learned how to face the body blow of knowing women and babies were going to die tragic and preventable deaths that day. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do, but open up to my humanity and feel that grief. I couldn’t save them, but I could honor them with my grief.
Organizations that invest in cultures that foster personal development also improve relationships, retention, engagement, productivity, and profitability.
And from that place, as I experienced this growth and development — I naturally started to change how I worked. I started taking breaks for lunch. I took more time during tea breaks. I laughed with Mursal as she told me funny stories about her son that made tears run down both of our cheeks. I felt more clear-headed, and less exasperated when meeting with donors.
The ache of grief never left me, and in fact, it got worse — but it bothered me less. I stopped running from my grief, and it stopped chasing me. The frantic drive left my body. I performed better and suffered less. And I’m confident that felt better for everyone around me.
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It’s been a long windy road from there to here, but learning how to turn towards my growth — and leaning how to be with my grief — was my critical move. I stopped managing my burnout and starting moving forward in new ways.
What I really want you to hear, is that burnout is not just a problem to be managed. It’s also your truth — beckoning you toward your next level of growth and development.
If you are experiencing burnout, I want you to consider: What is driving you? What might you be running from — and what might be chasing you? What is beckoning you forward, that scares you to face? If you feel a pit in your stomach, you know you’ve got it.
It’s fair to call that thing your truth. And luckily, it won’t give up. It will keep hurting until you listen. It’s also fair to call this place, your growth edge. If you choose to keep grinding away — instead of listening and turning towards it — you will continue to feel burnt out. You can’t do your best work or live your best life when you are running from, pushing down, and avoiding your truth. And everyone around you is missing out too.
Maybe for you, it’s scary to admit to yourself how deeply dispassionate you are about your work. Maybe you are making an income that’s important to your family, and you’re not sure how to replace that. So you feel like you have to keep grinding away. Maybe you are burnt out because it’s exhausting to keep doing something you know you don’t want to do while stuffing down your feelings. Luckily, and painfully — those feelings (which we’ve agreed to call your truth) won’t give up. This kind of stuck is not energy neutral. It’s a calorie burn.
And maybe, like me with my grief, if you found support to turn towards those feelings — things might start to open up. Maybe, being able to take that body blow of fear, disappointment, and overwhelm — might suddenly make it all feel more workable and less daunting. Maybe like my grief, once you start to truly engage with those feelings, you might also start doing things differently. Said another way, you might begin to grow and develop in the direction that makes your life, and work, feel better. And maybe it starts to actually get better. For you and everyone around you.
Maybe you start bringing more of yourself to work and find new meaning there. Or maybe, you leave and find a better fit for you — and your organization does the same.
However it goes, it won’t happen overnight. But when you stop managing the symptoms of burnout, and instead start connecting with what’s underneath it — then you will stop being burnt out, and start moving forward in new ways.
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We go to work to make a living but also to find meaning and experience a sense of purpose. Too often, we instead find ourselves split between our contributions and what we need to do to protect an image that keeps us safe. We can feel like a resource extracted for an organization to make a profit, or achieve an important mission — while at the same time, the organization struggles with widespread burnout and retention challenges.
Human and organizational development can be — and in fact, happen best when they are — symbiotic. Overcoming a work challenge is a potent setting for humans to face, and grow into, our own personal development. And this growth is the creative engine organizations need to thrive. This approach is a path less traveled. And it isn’t easy — but it is always worth it.
Organizations that invest in cultures that foster personal development also improve relationships, retention, engagement, productivity, and profitability.
If you aren’t supported, or it isn’t safe to explore your genuine growth edge at work — seek someone out. There is wisdom in knowing where you aren’t safe. And a lot of workplaces might say your whole, awesome and imperfect self is welcome, but you know that isn’t true. And that doesn’t mean you need to immediately quit, but it does mean you need to find support elsewhere.
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What I really want you to hear, is that burnout is not just a problem to be managed. Or any kind of personal failing. It’s your truth beckoning you toward your next level of growth and development. Intentional adult development is an ongoing process of excavating unconscious beliefs that are not in harmony with the complexity, uncertainty, and ambiguity of our modern lives. And when we can’t, or don’t heed these calls — the only destination is burnout town.
I practice as a coach because I believe we are here to express ourselves.
And yet, feeling fully alive and lovingly connected to the world around us, as our authentic selves — is not nearly as easy as it sounds. We each have our own reasons to conform and perform. And depending on our positionality — we will each face different levels of safety on our way to authenticity.
On top of that, our modern world is stressful. And we each navigate this complexity, ambiguity, and uncertainty from our own unique fears, motivations, and trauma stories — that are largely unconscious. This kind of growth is hard-won and isn’t meant to be done alone. We all need a mirror and a guide in the terrain of the unconscious.
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Where are you doubling down and muscling through? What voice is right at the edge of your throat, trying to get out? That truth will probably hurt, and then it will set you free from your burnout. And everyone will benefit.
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I work with individuals and teams who want to feel and perform their best. Read more about me and book time here.